Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Grammar, bitches!

I'm no English scholar and yet there's a couple of things I know how to use...the grammar and spell check features of a word processor or an add-on to a web browser.

If I put that aside, there's a few things I remember being taught and for someone like me who has terrible English at times (I'm really more of a computer geek) I can't imagine why others find this so hard.

Here goes...

1. You're your?!?

"Is that your friend?" OR "You're a moron!". The worst thing you can do online is insult someone by typing this for instance "Your a moron" because inevitably you will be said moron.

2. They're, their or there?

"They are (Notice how I could have said they're instead of they are? I know...tricky) going over there to get their car" FFS if this doesn't make sense get a rope, no wait, get a car and drive it into a wall!

3. Here Hear!

"Hear that motherfucker? That's a fart, it came from here!" I might say this as I point to my arse.

4. To too?

"Hey man were you going to the pub too?"
This is even worse than the They're, their, there one. If this is difficult, I don't know...get a fucken shark powered rocket and fly to the Moon or some shit, knowing you, you'll miss and fly through space forever you shark rocket thieving bastard!

5. Then or than.

"...OK so then I'm going to kick your (notice that usage of the word your?) arse. I know, I know, you'd rather it be me than you"
I know this one didn't make much sense, but if you've been directed to this page, that last bit not making sense is the fucking least of your concerns fucktard!

6. We're where?

"We're flying in a shark powered rocket to where?!?!"
Indeed this would be a concern but perhaps not as much a concern as the fact that we're struggling with these simple fuckers!

7. His He's

"He's over there! Is that his car?"
I mean, seriously, if this is hard...I think I'll have to take the car and drive it into a wall which turns out to be a shark powered rocket flying only a little off course and sends me through the fucking universe for-fucking-ever!

8. Advice Advise

You: "What's your (wow see what we did there? We're getting better!) advice?"
Me: "I advise you to learn this fucking shit before me or the person
who sent you here kicks your arse!"

9. Effect or affect?*

You: Hey, how do you think that could effect me?
Me: I don't know, but I know my foot's about to affect your arse!

10. Now one more pet hate and that is spelling "a lot" as "alot".

It's two fucking words people! Two words!

Little glossary for those who didn't get what FFS means even with the context of this whole fucking post. It stands for "for fuck's sake".

I hope this has not only helped you on the Internet but in real life as well.

*I would also like to thank Prat for his input.

You win! I ROCK!
Good night Seattle.

2 comments:

  1. FFS is "for fuck's sake", not "for fuck sake". "for fuck sake" makes no cents... hahaha sense.

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