Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Grammar, bitches!

I'm no English scholar and yet there's a couple of things I know how to use...the grammar and spell check features of a word processor or an add-on to a web browser.

If I put that aside, there's a few things I remember being taught and for someone like me who has terrible English at times (I'm really more of a computer geek) I can't imagine why others find this so hard.

Here goes...

1. You're your?!?

"Is that your friend?" OR "You're a moron!". The worst thing you can do online is insult someone by typing this for instance "Your a moron" because inevitably you will be said moron.

2. They're, their or there?

"They are (Notice how I could have said they're instead of they are? I know...tricky) going over there to get their car" FFS if this doesn't make sense get a rope, no wait, get a car and drive it into a wall!

3. Here Hear!

"Hear that motherfucker? That's a fart, it came from here!" I might say this as I point to my arse.

4. To too?

"Hey man were you going to the pub too?"
This is even worse than the They're, their, there one. If this is difficult, I don't know...get a fucken shark powered rocket and fly to the Moon or some shit, knowing you, you'll miss and fly through space forever you shark rocket thieving bastard!

5. Then or than.

"...OK so then I'm going to kick your (notice that usage of the word your?) arse. I know, I know, you'd rather it be me than you"
I know this one didn't make much sense, but if you've been directed to this page, that last bit not making sense is the fucking least of your concerns fucktard!

6. We're where?

"We're flying in a shark powered rocket to where?!?!"
Indeed this would be a concern but perhaps not as much a concern as the fact that we're struggling with these simple fuckers!

7. His He's

"He's over there! Is that his car?"
I mean, seriously, if this is hard...I think I'll have to take the car and drive it into a wall which turns out to be a shark powered rocket flying only a little off course and sends me through the fucking universe for-fucking-ever!

8. Advice Advise

You: "What's your (wow see what we did there? We're getting better!) advice?"
Me: "I advise you to learn this fucking shit before me or the person
who sent you here kicks your arse!"

9. Effect or affect?*

You: Hey, how do you think that could effect me?
Me: I don't know, but I know my foot's about to affect your arse!

10. Now one more pet hate and that is spelling "a lot" as "alot".

It's two fucking words people! Two words!

Little glossary for those who didn't get what FFS means even with the context of this whole fucking post. It stands for "for fuck's sake".

I hope this has not only helped you on the Internet but in real life as well.

*I would also like to thank Prat for his input.

You win! I ROCK!
Good night Seattle.

Monday, 16 November 2009

I just don't know what to do with myself

Recently I have been thinking about what it is that I want to do with my life. I feel that I am more intelligent than I may seem on the surface. I'm probably somewhat more and less geekier than many think and frankly I'm bored with my current life! I feel as though I am simply preparing for death. Living a life because you're alive is not living a life at all! I know that if I knew what it was that I wanted to do, I would be able to attain it. I'm pretty dogged like that. The whole problem seems to come down to this...I just don't know what to do with myself. Now apart from being a line from an amazing song, it's also the best way to describe me right now.

I'm thinking harder now than ever before about what I want to do and where I want to go. I still have no answers. I wonder; what if I simply up and left. Get a train, bus, hitch-hike or whatever, I could be out of this place. If I don't spend for two pays which is a month, I could fuck off to no-where and come back if I felt like it. This might sound all depressing but it's not, I think it's the lack of conformity I need right now. I need a change of scenery!

I'm noticing my ability to fit in socially is declining and has been for some time. I want less and less to be around people but in the same sense I want it more and more. This, to me at least, makes no sense!

I work in a small computer shop with a number of residential and SME customers, it's IT and in a way it's people management. Now when I used to be on my game I was fine at handling both the tech side as well as the people management but now I want to crawl up into bed and not get up.

I apologise for the dark tone of this post, but hey, it's how I feel at the moment. I'm sure it'll be all good once I find what it is I'm meant to be doing BUT that might be some time and consist of me doing lots of things I don't want to do. I also tend to think I have high expectations or wants which aren't direct wants but linked to whatever it is that I end up doing. Though I suspect that's also making it harder to locate my ideal career.

Maybe my life is a poorly programmed bubble sort?

You win! I ROCK!
Good night Seattle.